A Day In The Life of Alec Volturi
by hopesandpastdesires
Summary: Alec pretty much deserved his own life. These events tie in with Jane's, but they might not be as random and silly because I'll be writing this when I'm in a calm mood.
1. Day One

**I liked writing everything down from Alec's point of view, so I decided that he very much deserved his own life. **

**Here it is!**

Hello! I'm Alec.

I recently wrote in my sister's diary, but I was officially banned from it because my entry was "stupid" and "gay". I don't think it was. But that is sisters for you.

And to prove her wrong some people did actually like it. I think. I hope.

But anyways I decided to share a typical day for me with you. My idea of a typical day is nothing like Jane's idea of a typical day. Because her idea of a typical day would be torturing someone, yelling at me, torturing someone else, sulking and yelling at me again.

I would say that the relationship (oo-er) between me and Jane is like chalk and cheese. We are both completely different yet we still like each other. In a strange kind of way. And don't say that is nothing like chalk and cheese because... well I don't know.

Now you see, I am nothing like Jane in that I am not violent in any way.

Apart from when I punched Caius in the face.

But that is perfectly understandable and reasonable. And people were amused by it. And Caius is a very punchable person. Which makes everything ok.

So enough about her. This is MY diary. Sort of.

So anyway, the day started in the normal way. A few fat tourists... and I'll skip that part because I understand a few of you might be sick. And no one wants that.

And yeah. I went off to sit in my room and play my guitar for a bit (oh shutup) but I got a bit frustrated and ended up breaking all of the strings on my guitar. Oh well. I was just restyling my hair (I am not vain. Nor am I gay. So you can stop the jokes now. Ok?) because Jane had completely fucked it up. I mean, who has a bowl cut in this day and age? Apart from nerds and... me. Damn her.

Just when I was in the middle of sorting it out Felix burst into my room and flung himself on my beanbag.

"Oh hello Felix, I'm sorry you had to wait so long for me to answer the door when you were so clearly knocking."

Sarcasm is, without a doubt, clearly one of my greatest talents.

"Oi."

"Yes?"

"I feel well annoyed."

"Why?"

"Me and Heidi have had an arguement."

"What about?"

"Her tartiness. And Jane."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"It ain't funny mate."

"You... had... an... arguement... about... her... tartiness?" Then I was off laughing again.

"And your sister."

"What has she got to do with anything?"

"Heidi is still in a stress with her about her bloody mirror and so I told her that she should like, you know, call a truce with her and stuff."

"And?"

"And she went on and on about her mirror and how much it means to her and how Jane is a bitch etc..."

"And what did you say?"

"That she looked like a tart."

I snorted.

"You're kind."

"Well she was annoying me."

"And what did she do?"

"She stropped off stopping only to hit me over the head with a chair."

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

"I dunno."

"Hmmm..."

Then all was silent.

"EUREKA!"

Felix was officially startled beyond words at my sudden outburst.

"I've got it!"

"Got what?"

"IT!"

"Um... what is it?"

"Here's the plan. I use my lurvely power to knock out both Heidi and Jane, then we'll drag them to a room somewhere, slam the door, lock it..."

"They'll be able to knock it down."

"Not with us outside."

"Oh... OH! I see!"

"Yes and we wait for them to sort out their differences... then all will be well and jolly."

"Good plan Batman."

Then he started dancing around the room in a crap way. And before I could stop him, my guitar bit the dust.

"Felix... FELIX!"

"What?!"

"Simmer down... you've broken my guitar, dammit."

And that is a typical day.

Cheerio!

Alec Volturi.

P.S. HA! I even stole Jane's signing off thingy. Muahahahahahahaha.... I'm useless at being evil.


	2. Day Two

**Alec is just too adorable. Bless his little cotton socks! :)**

**The song I was listening too was "The Show" by Lenka.**

**It makes me feel calm and so I was in the right mood for writing this next chapter in Alec's life.**

**Because I can't write it when I'm in a giddy mood.**

**I can only write Jane's life in a giddy mood. :D**

**That does not mean to say this story won't be random. **

**:D**

**

* * *

**

Hello!

Our plan was working very well until Felix came along and ruined everything.

Jane has written it all down in her diary and I really cannot be arsed to write everything down from my point of view, so I'll just tell you all about what happened after that.

Jane and Heidi came out of the room looking like nothing had ever happened. Jane said 'tatty bye' to Heidi, who was all over Felix like a rash, and left to go and sit in her room. I don't think she has much of a life to be honest with you. Even though she claims she does.

"Helix" or "Feidi" (couple names... I think Helix is better) were getting a bit too... you know, for my liking and I felt a bit like I was not wanted there. And I didn't really like watching them. It felt a bit pervy and creepy so I decided to leave and go and sit in my room.

I had only just opened the door and perched on my bed when Demetri knocked on the door. I opened it and he was just stood there.

Wearing a _humongous_ donut costume.

"What the hell is that?"

"It is called a donut. Now, can you please shift as it takes me quite a while to manouvere myself so that I fit through doorways."

"Can't you just take it off?"

He looked a bit embarrassed.

"No... well... this donut is attached to this pink jumpsuit. And I can't take that off... if you see what I mean."

Good Lord.

"Now Alec. El shifto."

So I moved out of the way and it took him exactly 3 minutes and 26 seconds to get into my bedroom. He was huffing and puffing and so obviously failing to fit through so that in the end I had to grab one side of the donut and yank him in. We both fell over and let me tell you, it is not pleasant experience having a giant donut squished in your face.

It was at that exact moment that Jane walked past.

Typical.

I couldn't see her reaction but I could hear her.

"Usually people _shut_ the door before..."

"This is not what you think it is Jane." Demetri interrupted.

"Sure sure. I've had my suspicions before, but this has officially took the biscuit."

"I know you've had your bloody suspicions Jane. You've been questioning me for about a million years. And it is ridiculous. Now if you would just allow me to explain..." I said.

"Nah it's okay. I don't need an explanation. I can see everything... oo-er. Sexy jumpsuit Demetri."

And that is when Demetri well and truly lost his rag.

"You're obsessed with gay love Jane. It's silly and childish and immature."

"So's your face."

"Honestly, you're turning into Felix."

"I am nothing like that chav of a Felix. He wears tracksuits and keeps saying crap things that don't make sense."

"You don't make sense."

"Demetri would you just move. I can't see a bloody thing." I complained.

Then Jane was off having hysterics.

She was laughing so much I thought she'd might have to be taken to a secure unit, but unfortunately that was not the case.

The case was that Jane was now lying on the floor, completely unaware of what was going on. Because I had used my extremely useful talent against her.

HA!

I picked her up and left Demetri lying in a donut heap on the floor of my bedroom.

I took Jane back to her room and put her on her beanbag. Then I got the felt tip pens out.

I also found some black make up stuff on the floor which would come in handy.

I can't wait 'til she sees her face.

Cheerio!

Alec Volturi.


	3. Day Three

Hiya!

Today was just your average, bog standard day to be honest.

Well, if you think that dressing up as "Jedward" off the X Factor and having a singing contest with a few people is an average, bog standard day.

But to me it is. Because usually something exciting happens.

But today everyone was either out travelling (Aro, Heidi, Santiago), chavving around (Felix), wandering around like a grieving cod (Marcus), being a stressy teenage vampire (Jane) or just not doing anything (everyone else who I haven't mentioned and I can't be arsed to). So I had to make my own fun.

So after watching "The X Factor" repeat on my laptop in my room, I felt inspired.

And when I say inspired, I mean that I felt like dressing up and singing.

So I went to find someone who shared my interest for dressing up and singing.

I passed Jane's room and I could hear the small cry of pain from a pigeon. I decided that she was not the type of person who shares my interest of dressing up and singing, as I would be yelled at, tortured and accused of being gay. So I bypassed her room and went on to Afton.

Now Afton, although dating Chelsea and who pretends to be a chav with Felix, is someone who does share my interest (of dressing up and singing), so I knocked on his door (I don't like to barge in on someone who has a girlfriend).

He opened the door and greeted me like he hadn't seen me for yonks. Which wasn't true.

The last time he had seen me I was dragged up singing "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. I still haven't got over that, I think I'm scarred for life (or in my case, eternity).

Afton seemed to enjoy our performance and clapped me on the back when I finished. He clapped me a bit too hard because I fell off my heels, which set him off into hysterics.

"Sooo, my dear friend Alec, what brings you here today?"

"Well. I am bored out of my mind. I spy a karaoke machine (I heard someone snort in another room, I wander who that was...) in the corner of your room and I have recently been watching The X Factor."

"Jolly good."

"Do you see where I am going with this?"

"I do indeed."

"Good."

"Okey doke. Get your hair gel matey, Jedward are officially in the building!"

"Jedward are officially out the building matey, there is not a snowball's chance in hell that I'm going to sit here listening to you *ahem* 'sing'." Jane called from her room.

"Well piss off then." Afton cheerfully replied.

"How about no."

"OH! How about you join in Jane! We could have a singing contest! Whoever wins will win... something!"

"How about no."

"The prize... the chance to torture someone of your choice for five minutes?" I said. Jane simply could not resist that.

"Ok. Fine."

And with that Jane came in in a long blonde wig with a fringe, a hair bow, black sunglasses, red lipstick, a black leotard, lace tights, a black blazer, a chain belt, black lather gloves and extraordinarily high heels (yes it's a very long list...).

"I knew my hooker clothes would come in handy." She said.

Afton and me wore an ice blue suit, black converse and styled our hair so that it stuck up a foot in the air.

"Jedward!" We said in synchronization.

"Lady Gaga!" Jane said.

"LET THE CONTEST... BEGIN!!"

Jane took the microphone and started the music.

"RA-RA-AH-AH-AH-RU-MAH-RU-MAH-MAH, GA-GA OOH-LA-LA! WANT YO' BAD ROMANCE!"

"I want your love and, I want your revenge, you and me could write a BAD romance."

"Woah-oh-oh-oh-ohhhhhh-oh-oh-oh, caught in a bad romance!"

Her singing echoed throughout the building and randoms gathered to watch her performance. By the end of Jane's song, Felix, Corin (who was still not best pleased with his haircut), Chelsea and Renata were all cheering. Felix even wanted to join in, and confirmed that he was going to "rap" for us.

It was our turn next, so we took to the "stage" and searched for a cheesy song to sing.

"Hot'n'Cold" by Katy Perry was good enough.

"We, used to be, just like twins, so in sync."

"The same, energy, now's a dead, battery."

"Cos' you're hot then you're cold!"

"You're yes than you're no!"

"You, you don't really wanna stay no!"

"But you, you don't really wanna g-go!"

"Cos' you're hot then you're cold!"

I thought we were brill beyond words. And everyone crammed together in the small space of Afton's room seemed to agree, which was good.

Then Felix took the microphone.

"Jus' wanna day ya'll, this is improvised, innit!"

He cleared his throat and went onto sing in a chav like manner.

"So ya wassup, yo all staring at me!"

"Me name is Felix, yeah the F to the E!"

"Yeah L to the I, I to the X!"

"So now you're all thinking, what's he gonna sing next?"

"I'll tell ya, one thing, about me life."

"I'm a hoodie and proud but I don't carry a knife."

"Ya all think that I'm, a full on chav,"

"Well ya may be right, but I ain't daft!"

"Check it!"

To say he was awfully dimwitted for a vampire, I actually liked his rap.

Then it was voting time.

Corin voted for Felix, and Renata and Chelsea voted for Jane.

Which was just as well really, because the prize was meant for her.

And guess who she chose to torture for five minutes?

You guessed it.

Me.

Cheerio!

Alec Volturi.

P.S. I think I maybe crippled. I was being tortured in an awkward position and I think my limbs have permanantly stayed in an awkward position. :(

* * *

**Haha I made Felix' rap up within the space of ten minutes. I had writer's block there (well, actually rapper's block).**

**If you don't know who Jedward is, Google them. The X Factor is the English version of American Idol, and not many people like Jedward because they're annoying, but they entertain me so I quite like them. **

**:D**


End file.
